I collected my programme yesterday and read the first few pages last night, but was too tired to continue.
This morning I awoke and, as usual, the very first thought that entered my mind was "I wonder what the damage was of yesterday's eating'' We had a lovely day out at a friend's birthday lunch. Thinking back, the overriding thought of the whole day was ''I wonder how much Im going to pick up by eating what Im eating?'' Every mouthful of food was clouded by that thought and the enjoyment of the lunch overshadowed by thoughts of weight gain and are people watching me eat and thinking 'she should be eating less''. Needless to say, our host was delighted when he could offer me copious extra helpings and, no matter how many times I said 'no thank you' he insisted on refilling my plate. Why is it so hard to say 'no''convincingly? Needless to say the food was delicious.
My morning ritual of jumping on the scale revealed a gain of .6kgs - better than expected but Im still disgusted by the fact that I have gained 12kgs from my lowest (after loosing 28kgs) a little more than 6 months ago. What is it going to be like to not have that scale to jump on to every morning? I have asked my partner, Sue, to hide the scale away where I can't find it, so this morning was my last ''fix'of that drug.
I know that getting on the scale is counter productive. That number, be it up or down, has the power to colour my day - dark, light or in between. If Iv lost, it's 'thats cool now how much can I loose today''. If its up, its ''oh hell, I will have to try harder to today. I wonder how little I will have to eat to be down tomorrow?'' Whatever the underlying message that the morning weigh in sends out, its seldom good. Sometimes I wake up happy and feeling thin, get on that scale and either haven't lost, haven't lost as much or have actually picked up and my whole day is ruined. Its going to be the most frightening and challenging aspect of this new journey - not getting on that scale first thing in the morning. (I even take my scale with me when I go on holiday!)
Thank goodness the weather is bad today so I can relax and spend my time getting into the programme and listening to the CDs which will help put me on the path to weight loss freedom - Im hoping and trusting.
I know that for me (and I guess many other people), this whole weight loss thing is in the mind. If it wasn't, we would all be thin. Its going to be challenging peeling back the layers and confronting the demons. Its going to be challenging forming new habits and changing the old. I truly want to take this journey though and I hope that some of you will take it with me. I know that I have so much support and so many people wanting me to succeed in this and that makes all the difference. (http://www.ditch-diets-live-light.com/)
A HUGE thank you to Sue for making this possible for always just wanting what is best for me. Her love makes me want to succeed in this even more.